My last home. 

I don’t understand if this is a never ending party or a fucked up suffering that I’m in at the moment. If it’s a party, I don’t like parties and if it’s a suffering, unfortunately I have grown comfortable with that. I left my last rented house in the city of Bangalore three days ago and I don’t understand why there were more empty bottles in my house than the number of days I have lived there.

Jim Morrison once said

“I believe in long, prolonged derangement of senses, in order to achieve the unknown”

What unknown am I searching for through my intoxicated spirit? What do I want to achieve? Am I just taking this thing as a big excuse to get high? I have been drinking like fucking shit for the past three years and I haven’t figured out a shit in my life. How much more will I have to derange my senses to know what I really want because I still haven’t found what I want with this life.

 Did Morrison just mean drugs or was he talking about one’s spirituality, or are both delusional, or both same? Maybe spirituality can be achieved by doing drugs or smoking marijuana like the Indian Sadhus or the Ganja God Shiva. Who knows and I don’t even care anymore. It’s either I want to get high on alcohol or I want to get low after alcohol. It’s ironical how I can be such low a person and still high most of the time. I know that’s the worst kind of sense of humor you came across in your entire last week. The fact is I don’t care about anything at this moment right here right now. All I think of right now in this moment when I write this, is

Life as one big party to which I want to have as much fun as I can before I go to sleep.

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